


i want to take the long way home

by randomstar



Series: hanazono chisato land [2]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, F/F, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 21:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18668764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomstar/pseuds/randomstar
Summary: Chisato didn't go straight home on her graduation day.





	i want to take the long way home

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just so thirsty of chisatae content. 
> 
> anyway this work is unbeta'd so be warry of typos, ramblings, weird sentences etc etc.

_On my way home, on my way home,  
__I feel like taking a detour_  

Chisato let out a small smile as she walked out from the school gate, cherry blossom petals falling gently from up above. She waved Aya goodbye, letting the crying girl said her name once more before Chisato was completely out of sight. It was graduation day and it’s only natural for the vocalist to cry after all, she even made a mess on Chisato’s uniform earlier with her pool of tears.

It was finally time to go home.

She didn’t have work today since her schedule had been arranged carefully so that she could at least enjoyed her last day of youth. Though that kind of sentimentality would suit Aya better than her, still, her manager insisted that Chisato deserved all of this. The actress didn’t complain, didn’t want to either. She got to stand on the podium and took nice pictures with head held high for Eve’s blog post.

Chisato had always taken these kinds of things for granted.

There were times when she was so busy that she couldn’t come to school, even missed some important events. Under normal circumstances, she would just brush it off and keep telling herself that she _wasn’t like other girls_ or things like that to keep her sane. She had work to do and sometimes it kept her up all night. Her family kept emphasizing the importance of keeping her celebrity status, something that Chisato always kept on her mind.

There was never a dull moment with Pastel*Palettes.

Everything on her surroundings right now reminded her of them. From soft pink hues of cherry blossom petals to baby blue sky hovering about her head. Two years well spent, that’s what Chisato like to think. They went through a lot and had matured together as one. Discussion about the future had come up on one of their agency’s meeting with them agreeing to keep being in the band even when each of them had their own solo work to do.

She loved being in the band, it gave her purpose and sense of belonging. They gave her a chance to be herself even with her slightly unpleasant realistic personality. Though in return Chisato had secretly leaned from them as well, especially the optimism that girls like Aya and Eve held dearly.

The blonde was sure about her decision about enrolling on an acting major, things that could propel her acting career even further on the industry. It was something that her members admired, Chisato knew at least that much judging by Aya’s and Maya’s reaction when she first told them that. Eve even told her that it was very _bushido_ of her to know what she wanted in life.

She considered herself very mature, already experiencing hardship even at such a young age. The industry was harsh and unforgiving but Chisato wouldn’t let her be beaten by such circumstances. She had sacrificed so much including part of her personality to became the ultimate actress of her (and her parent’s) ideal.

Though that didn’t mean Chisato wasn’t scared at all.

When she asked Sayo about her plan after graduation, the taller girl had replied with determined eyes that she’d pursue music for the sake of herself and the band. Chisato simply hummed softly at that time, muttering a small _‘that sounds great’_ for the sake of being polite. But Sayo had sounded so firm and she didn’t waver even just one bit.

Chisato cursed silently for doubting herself like this.

She hated when she felt scared, she wasn’t supposed to. This path had been decided for her ever since she was five so why doubt it now? Regret surely tasted bitter. She wondered what would she be if she wasn’t so keen on pleasing her parents by going down to the acting path. It would be a lie if she said she didn’t enjoy it. Acting had become one of the things Chisato were ridiculously good at, her ultimate source of pride.

But then again, she wanted to be like normal girls for once, being overly naïve without having to worry about the responsibility of living in constant public eyes. Pastel*Palette sang tons of love songs yet it was always felt empty for her. It was always a mystery for her on how Aya was able to sing it genuinely like she was constantly a protagonist of every possible _shoujo_ manga like ever.

Before she knew it Chisato had arrived on the junction.

 _Towards my dreams. Towards my passion.  
_ _The wind won’t determine my path_

If she were to go left then it would lead her straight home, just a few more blocks until she’d be able to throw her blazer away and finally dozed off on the couch. Yet it felt so wrong to just do that, normally she would be on her way to the agency right after school anyway so this whole thing felt a bit unfamiliar. The blonde bit her lower lips before looking right, hues of pink filled her field of vision.

It would take her longer, a detour to the nearest bridge could take her about 10-15 minutes longer before arriving at home. Chisato laughed at herself, she couldn’t believe she let herself get carried away like this. Maybe Hina’s habit of doing something on a whim finally rubbed on her.

She wanted a way to clear her head, to get her back on her designated track.

This path seemed a bit unfamiliar and she couldn’t recognize many of the shops immediately. Everyone was busy with their own things and Chisato didn’t even mind. It was refreshing to observe what other people did for a living anyway.

She spotted some girls wearing Hanasakigawa uniform waving at her and she waved back out of courtesy. Maybe it was some first years she didn’t know about trying to be polite. Must be nice to be that young, just starting out your high school life like that.

“Senpai.”

Chisato turned around, a girl with long hair standing just a few feet behind her back. Her eyes widened in surprise; she wasn’t expecting this encounter at all. “Tae-chan?”

Tae smiled in return, stepping closer as she did so. “I’ll walk you home.”

She didn’t say much but that’s just typical Tae Hanazono, a lost cause and something that Chisato always accept as it was. The older girl let Tae took her hand, something that she normally wouldn’t do to other people unless they’re Kanon or Aya.

“My, my, Tae-chan. You sure are clingy today.” She quipped lightly as they go with Chisato struggling to match with Tae’s wider steps.

“I didn’t get to see you today at school.” She said softly, slowing her pace down. “Literally everyone wants to take pictures with you and Aya-senpai.”

Chisato was avoiding her, the blonde made sure she didn’t stay long enough for Tae to be looking for her. But with the way they were now, it almost felt like the universe was toying at her. Tae was the one truth she couldn’t avoid.

Idols didn’t date, that was always the rule.

Though as an actress Chisato could get away with it with her roles on romance dramas. She stared on countless of it ever since she entered high school. Some were a nice experience, like that one time she got to star on a prime-time drama with popular actor Eichi Tenshouin of Fine. She had played both as a love-struck person or a broken-hearted one, even received awards because of it.

It was easier to play as a lover than to be one especially in an environment where you have this constant worry of being found out by lurking gossip magazines. Such reason was why Chisato vowed to never date unless everything was safe enough for her and her partner to do such a thing. She even gave Aya and Hina stern warning once so that they were careful about their idol status and situation that they were in.

But her feelings for Tae was something she couldn’t contain, rushing into her so out of the blue that Chisato didn’t even have the time to processed all of it in. Everything was all over the place like scattered petals down on the pavements.

She didn’t know how it all started, or why she even allowed herself to fall for someone in the first place anyway. Maybe Aya’s sentimentality rubbed into her after all these times and it was kind of unwelcomed. Chisato was never one for such naivety even when she wished for one in an alternate universe.

But it was her last day of being a high school student and maybe for once, she should just give in.

If she could turn back the time then she’d rewind all things back to her second year, relieving all those moments again for the second time and maybe try to get to know Tae a little bit earlier. That way she’d had more time with her instead of just— _this_.

Chisato didn’t plan to admit all of these, let this sinful feeling be hers and hers only. Those unspoken words were things that make youth so appealing after all.

“Didn’t think I’d find you there,” Tae said again, hands playing with the tip of Chisato’s fingers. “Your house is on the other way.”

They had arrived at the bridge finally, petals falling down one by one to the river below. The bustling sound of the city had faded into the background and was replaced by the gentle breeze of the spring wind. The view was breath-taking and Chisato didn’t regret her decision to take a detour before actually going home.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” She said softly while letting Tae’s hands go, edging herself to the railings of the bridge. “Spring truly is here.”

“Is this your reason?” Tae asked again, “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“I wonder why.” Chisato chuckled softly, it was true. She got no particular reason on why she decided to take a detour anyway, just wanted to clear her mind a bit.

“Hmm.” Tae hummed, resting a hand on Chisato’s shoulder. Such gentle touch made Chisato felt things, some of it was nice and warm but some of it was cold and bitter.

“I haven’t said my goodbye yet.” Tae continued with her head hanged down. “I haven’t even cried.”

“I’m not dead, Tae-chan.” Chisato quipped lightly, “I’ll only be going to college, that’s all.”

“Yeah but still… I can’t see you at school every day anymore.” There’s this whiny tone on Tae's voice that made Chisato almost felt bad for the other girl. Tae still had another year ahead of her on the school after all.

“It’s not like we’re seeing each other every day anyway.” The blonde continued, “We’re in a different class.”

“Still the rabbits will miss you. I will miss you.” Tae pouted, resting her head on Chisato’s shoulder. Chisato stared down as falling petals created ripples on the surface of the water, disrupting her pristine reflection into hazy unrecognizable shapes.

“Say, are you scared?”

Chisato heart skipped a bit.

It made her slightly anxious, could her expression be giving it away? Chisato didn’t say anything out of the blue to Tae about her current state of mind yet here she was throwing wild guesses that really hit home.

“What makes you say that?” She dodged the question like she always did, hiding behind her perfect girl façade so that she could feel in control of everything. Tae buried her face on the crook of Chisato’s neck, nuzzling softly against strands of Chisato's soft golden hair.

“Dunno, I thought people are always scared of the future,” Tae said softly, her voice calm like a gentle wave. “You never know what’s coming after all even when you tried your best to prepare for it.”

“Nonsense.” Chisato retorted, “Exactly because you have prepared for it that you shouldn’t be scared.”

“Then maybe it’s the other way around?” A pair of arms sneaked their way to the curve of Chisato’s waist. “You’re scared of letting things go.”

“I—”

“Isn’t that the reason why you avoid me today?”

Her parents used to tell her that it was no use to dwell on the past, or to constantly lived on it. Chisato knew this on the back of her head, that she should always strive for more and more in life and never to looked back.

But all of it was easier to said than done.

Everything that happened for the past two years had brought her so much comfort after all. The band, her friends, even her acting jobs. Graduating high school means venturing into the world of unknown and let everyday happenings turned into distant memories.

Maybe she was consumed with regrets, like that time she wished she wasn’t so hard with Aya and the others back on their debut days. Or that maybe she wished somewhere along the way she had resigned from being an actress (idol?) and just lived her high school life as Tae did.

“People… aren’t used to change.” Chisato said again, “Even myself, so— It might take time for me to get used to not being a high-schooler anymore.”

It was a cryptic answer, opened for any interpretations. She always did this, conveying her feelings in such a fabricated manner that it ended up not entirely true.

Chisato turned around, pushing Tae away slightly. “And maybe also try to get used to not seeing you as often as I’d like.”

“Touché.” Tae hummed, “What are we really?”

Tae sighed, her back leaning against the steel railing. It was getting dark; hues of soft purple filled the formerly bright blue sky. There were no people around them anymore as if the area was cleared out just for the sake of the two of them. Chisato didn’t want to complain anyway, she took comfort whenever she didn’t have unwelcomed shady journalist tailing her all the way home.

 _It is sad to be apart from you,  
_ _but this farewell is necessary._

“What do you want us to be?” The blonde asked, “I’m an actress, I can be whatever you want me to be.”

They shared a kiss, not just once or twice but maybe a thousand times more. One time it was on the dim corner under the staircase, another time it was on the serenity of the school’s rooftop. They held hands, whispered sweet nothings to each other just like lovers did.

Yet those three words never once escaped Chisato’s lips.

She braved herself to turned around, facing the other girl right on her twinkling eyes. Tae looked at her longingly as if she wanted to say something, to asked something.

“You know that I can’t,” Chisato said finally, truthfully. It left a bitter taste on her mouth but that’s just how life was. She couldn’t afford it even when she wanted it so badly and that hopeful gaze wasn’t helping at all.

Tae looked hurt and Chisato felt bad. Then again, the blonde was used seeing people’s dejected expression every time she dropped the truth bomb right in front of their face. All of it felt wrong, she cried on the inside yet her voice won’t come out. The words stuck on her throat were hurting her like crazy.

“I love you, senpai.”

Three simple words etched with thousands of meaning. How Chisato envy this girl who could easily blurt out her feelings just like that. She looked away to her side, feeling shame and guilt.

“Tae-chan, I—”

“But you’re a coward.”

Chisato chuckled slightly, that wasn’t entirely wrong. Though hearing it from Tae kind of hurt her feelings a bit.

“No matter how good the past was, you have to go.” She said again, hands lifted up to cupped Chisato’s soft cheeks. Chisato felt warm as Tae’s thumb brushed slightly with the patch of her skin.

“You have to leave things behind and leave them with no regrets, you have to—”

 _She cried_.

It left Chisato with her mouth hang open, hand reaching up to grip Tae’s wrist as hard as she could. Even in the dimness of the light, Chisato could see Tae’s face clearly as beads of tears fell down on her cheeks.

“Don’t you have regrets, Chisato-senpai?” Her words rang true but Chisato couldn’t bring herself to answer it, she froze with the time she desperately tried to keep.

Maybe somewhere on a different universe, Pastel*Palettes was just a normal high school band made up with childhood friends instead of work acquaintances. She could even be honest with her feelings too without worrying about anything and that Tae would have the closure that she deserved.

“I do have regrets.” Chisato started softly, carefully. She was genuinely afraid that she’d break Tae more than she already was. “A lot of it.”

“Then say it right now,” It was a demand and Chisato knew that Tae was just being childish. A wishful thinking, a selfish request.

“Someday you’ll come to understand why I choose a different path from you.” She said again, leaning forward so that their forehead would touch. Tae’s warm breathing was brushing against her skin, bringing comfort to Chisato’s mind.

“We both will,” She took a deep breath in, “I’m not asking you to wait because it’s unfair but—”

Tae’s gaze softened as her eyes twinkled in the dimness of the light. Chisato moved forward and kissed her softly as if they were somewhere on Hanasakigawa on a Monday afternoon. Tae let her in so easily, her lips soft and her touch warm.

Chisato prayed silently that she didn’t find all of this on the front page of a gossip magazine the next morning.

The blonde kissed her again and again and again until she was out of breath, hands wrapping around Tae’s neck in an attempt to bring her even closer. Tae leaned to her touch, letting Chisato took the lead for once.

Hues of marine blue filled all of Chisato’s senses as she was desperate to retain all of its shade on her head, locking them up and never to let go.

“Because when we walked this path, we’ll never get lost.” She said softly once they had pulled away, “You’ll find me here again.”

It was the line of a drama she recently starred in, a story about childhood friends bidding farewell to one another. When Chisato looked at Tae she knew that such words would be fitting, a promise she wanted to make and willing to keep.

“Just in a different time.” Tae chuckled; she had done her homework of watching Chisato on tv after all. “I’m gonna keep coming back here again and again and again—”

“Tae-chan I didn’t mean it literally.” A small chuckle escaped Chisato’s lips. She could see Tae already taking a step back, spreading her arms wide as if trying to invite Chisato for a warm hug.

“One last hug before I’m letting you fly?”

“Alright but please wipe your tears first.” Chisato smiled, “Here, take my handkerchief.”

“Can I keep it?” Tae asked softly once she had wiped her tears dry, leaving smudges on the formerly pristine white handkerchief. It had Chisato’s initials embroidered on its fabric.

“For now, yes.” She said again, smiling warmly as she did so. “But I expect you to return it to me in the future.”

“Then it’s a promise.”

_Now, I want to go, I want to go, I want to go, I want to go.  
I want to be stronger_

 

* * *

 

Chisato didn’t think that she’d find herself here again on the same junction, one lead to her house and one lead to the bridge. It’s been years since the last time she visited this neighborhood, her work as an actress been keeping her to do so almost every time. Back when she was in high school this was always her way home after a long day spent on the agency. It was days that she had left behind long ago, turned into bits of fond memories she often visited once in a while for the sake of nostalgia.

She glanced towards her phone, finding messages from her manager about the time she should be back on the set again. Just a simple reply would do, she thought. It was refreshing to know that her movie was set on a place that she was at least familiar with. Months of filming on locations abroad made her homesick after all.

There were few new shops that she didn’t recognize and one of them was a music shop. A loud bubble-gum pop song could be heard even from a mile away and Chisato flinched upon stumbling such a noise. Though after a while she found that the voice was way too familiar to ignore and breezed her way inside the said store.

Some unfamiliar CDs and DVDs were on display, typical goods that you would find inside a music store. She could even find soundtracks of some movies that she starred in on the shelves. Chisato glanced around, something on the back of the store piqued her interest.

A big poster showcasing a female singer with distinctive pink hair was plastered on the wall of the store. _Aya Maruyama 10 th single: Love Summer! Get it now!_

Chisato chuckled to herself, Aya surely was popular. She had come a long way from being their agency’s trainee to having her own solo concert at Tokyo Dome. It wasn’t like Chisato was less successful, she was now the proud recipient of prestigious awards even the international ones. But seeing her peers became their own ideal person surely was nice. Maybe Chisato felt a bit like a proud parent.

The last time Chisato ever see Aya in person was three months ago on her wedding day.

She had been looking gorgeous, a sight of envy for any women out there who wished to live in such a wonderful fairy tale. Aya had never looked happier on her life when she walked down the aisle, smiling constantly while she did so. Aya and Hina had been dating since high school and everyone in the band knew that. It started as a secret but turned into a national sensation. Admittedly Chisato didn’t have such courage like Hina did or such genuine optimism like Aya did.

Chisato wondered if things would turn out differently if she chose another path somewhere on her past.

It was just like this junction, the universe held endless possibilities and thousands of endings to offer. Even with regret, one should always live their current life to the fullest, at least that’s what Chisato had always believed.

The trees on the side of the road won’t be greeting her with fallen petals as it was still in the middle of July. The glaring light of the summer was really unwelcomed as Chisato felt beads of sweats trickling down to her exposed neck. But there was something that drew her to choose right, to take a detour to the bridge instead of paying a brief visit to her childhood home. Even when it wasn’t spring just like when she last left this town, there was something about it that just—

It was just dumb, there was no way that she’d meet Tae out of the blue like this. She shouldn’t get her hopes high, shouldn’t be indulging her fantasies like this. But Chisato had learned that Tae could be unpredictable sometimes, she could show up on places you least expected her to be in.

_Precious memories,  
at this place that I once loved_

Chisato didn’t know why she was rushing; it wasn’t like someone was waiting for her anyway. Her friends had mostly moved out to bigger cities, some even went abroad. But her feet won’t stop even when she’s sweating like crazy, she ran and ran and ran until finally, she reached the bridge.

“Hey little bird, I think you dropped something.”

A familiar face holding out a handkerchief towards her way. “Tae-chan..”

**Author's Note:**

> ♫ nogizaka46 - kaerimichi wa toomawari shitaku naru (帰り道は遠回りしたくなる)


End file.
